Geass Flakes
by The Great and Powerful Ckik
Summary: A big ol’ crack-fic collection featuring Code Geass characters, plot-poop, and lots of random references. Rated for language and sexual themes involving a mailbox. Please R&R!


**Geass Flakes- They're Cracktastic!**

_The Contest_

"This little contest…," booms an off-screen narrative voice that sounds vaguely like a male version of Shirley. "Is to see which of Cornelia's Knights is more better-er."

A bunch of crappy spotlights randomly zoom around the stage which is actually a bunch of cardboard boxes duct-taped together. Two figures step onto the 'stage' with styrofoam microphones.

"I'm better because I didn't die before the first season ended," says the figure on the left, a black-haired man with glasses.

"Well, I have a cool scar on my face! Everybody loves cool scars," says the other figure, a large man with messy brown hair.

"Well, I was temporary viceroy."

"So? I have a team of weird little boys who worship me!"

A bunch of chibis suddenly ran onto the stage. Yelling "Daddy!" and glomping the brown-haired man.

The other knight smirked. "Well, I'm not being attacked by a bunch of chibis right now, so I'm better." The other man was too busy trying to get the chibis to stop clinging to him to notice the comeback.

"I'm also better because I have these awesome glasses. See? They're all square and stuff."

"Well, I'm a Tsundere! How's about that?"

The other man gaped at that comment. "You are most certainly not Tsundere! You're just the tsun-tsun part, you angry gorilla!"

"Well, you're a nerd!"

He gasped a little, and yelled "I am not!" but his voice cracked a little. Yeah, he's sensitive like that.

"Well, you're both my personal bitches, so that settles it!" The purple-haired princess stood up from the audience (which was really only her).

Both of her knights were left speechless.

Sadly… they had to agree with her.

* * *

_The True Villain_

"Hey, you know…" Suzaku began one day, sitting at the lunch table with his buddies.

"We know what?" Lelouch asked emotionlessly as he stuffed a spoonful of meatloaf in his mouth. "What do we know?"

"Isn't… Isn't Nunnally actually the main villain in the story?"

"OMGWTFDDRBBQ, I think you're right!" Rivalz gasped.

"I don't get it!" Gino yelled with a hopeless smile on his face

"Well… Lelouch's plan was to make the world better for Nunnally, right? And in the end, Lelouch died and Nunnally became empress. Maybe it was all a part of her plan from the beginning!" Suzaku explained to them as Rivalz pulled a cat out of his pocket to take notes on.

Lelouch glanced at Suzaku and then at Rivalz.

"How does that cat… fit in you pocket?" The young Brittanian said with a horrified expression.

"I still don't get it!" Gino still had the retarded smile on his face.

"SHUT. THE FUZZBALLS. UP." Rolo grabbed the cat from Rivalz and threw it across the lunch room at Shirley, who then fell face-first into her chicken soup and died.

* * *

_Just WTF_

"C.C…," Lelouch muttered one day as he was bathing a pink hamster.

"What is it, douche bag?" C.C. replied.

"Which is better on pancakes- Tabasco sauce or ketchup?"

C.C. gave the Brittanian boy a confused glance, almost dropping her slice of pizza. "W. T. F…"

* * *

_iGeass_

All was fine and magical one day in the student council room where Suzaku and Rivalz were mud-wrestling and Nina was raping a loofa-sponge, when Lelouch suddenly kicked the door down and flew into the room.

"You know, you're gonna half to pay for that…," Rolo, who was sitting in a corner and sticking needles in a doll that looked like Shirley, muttered in a demonic double-voice sort of way.

"Yeah, go fuck yourself," Lelouch pulled a video camera out of his ass. " ANYWAY, I just go the best idea."

"Does it have anything to do with popcorn?" A male version of Milly crashed threw the window on a vine, wearing a leopard skin tunic and clashing boots.

"No, even better! We're going to…" The Brittanian boy paused for dramatic effect. "…make our own webshow!"

The whole student counsel gaped at him.

"Alright, Suzaku!"

"Yes, My Lord?"

"You're going to be the delicious brown-haired camera boy!"

"Understood!"

"Milly, you're going to be an obnoxious blonde who likes eating children and baby animals!"

"Already done!"

"Rolo… you just keep being the man-whore you are. Shirley! Hey… where's Shirley?"

"Who knows?" Said a mud-coated Rivalz.

Shirley's head suddenly popped out of a toaster oven. Kallen glanced in that direction.

"Oh… my toast is done…"

"Well, I guess I'll have to exclude her from my plans… Kallen! When you're done eating that Shirley Head Toast, I need you to fill the part as the lead crack-head.

Kallen nodded, spreading butter and cream-cheese over the Shirley's toasted head.

"WE ALL LIVE IN A POKEMON WORLD!" Gino suddenly crashed through the roof riding atop a giant lizard. He was then hit in the head with a flying brick.

"Faggots…" Anya mumbled, retrieving the brick and standing in the middle of the room. "Beam me up."

She suddenly disappeared in a circle of light.

"WHA' HAPPEN?" The whole group said in a Mexican accent.

* * *

_The Fourth Wall_

Suzaku and Lelouch were sitting on the steps at the entrance to Ashford Academy, smoking unicorns and being generally queer, when suddenly Lelouch turned to Suzaku and said "Suzaku… This fanfic sucks ass."

"I hear ya, buddy," Suzaku replied, sighing deeply.

* * *

_World of Geasscraft_

One rainy day, Suzaku was sitting on his rooftop reading his favorite porno magazine when Lelouch suddenly popped out of the chimney with a video-game box in his hand.

"Suzaku!" He began. "I found something for us to do today!"

Suzaku looked up from his magazine with a tired expression, and said "We're going to the ice-rink again?"

"No, no, I found something even better!" He tossed the soot-covered box to his brown-haired friend. The young Japanese boy wiped off the box with his sleeve and stared at it. He then glanced at the other boy.

"What the fruit salad is this?"

"It's a VIDEO-GAME!" Angelic music suddenly started playing in the background and a ray of light shot out from behind the clouds and made a spotlight on the video game box.

Somehow, Lelouch had convinced Suzaku to play, and they made accounts for everybody in the whole flippin' series.

Shortly after, they all purchased glasses and pocket-protectors. They all leveled to 80 in a week. Except Rolo.

"WHO WANTS TO DO A RAID!?" Lelouch screamed through the headset.

"I WANT TO DO SUZAKU- I MEAN… A RAID!" Euphie yelled back.

Suzaku facepalmed.

"I'll go get my healadin!" Kallen yelled. She logged off and then logged back on as a half-nekkid belf paladin.

Rolo logged in as his gnome huntard and joined the guild.

"HOW DID YOU DO THAT!?" Lelouch screeched through the headset again.

"Yeah, this is like, totally a whore guild," C.C. mumbled.

"You mean a horde guild…" Kallen corrected her.

"No… I mean a whore guild."

Then, all of a sudden, members of the opposite faction could group together and join each other's guilds.

"Rolo you haxxor… why would you do that?" Lelouch mumbled, on the verge of tears. Kallen suddenly broke out into a dancing fit and C.C. started flirting with a mailbox.

"Hey… you come here often?"- C.C.

"……"- Mailbox

"Ooh, you're such a bad boy."- C.C

"……"- Mailbox.

"You wanna come over to my _starting area _so we can form a _raid group_?" - C.C.

An orc suddenly jumped out of the mailbox and ran away screaming.

"Was it something I said?" C.C. called after the mentally scarred orc.

"That was so awkward…," Lelouch mumbled.

A dwarf DK ran up to Leldouche's tauren drood and jabbed a finger in his face. "YOUR FACE IS AWKWARD!"

"V.V., you fail so hard it isn't even funny," Suzaku said, bashing the dwarf over the head with a [Fractured Carapace].

An unknown player logged on under the character name "IareAduck" and started throwing snowballs at every passing toon.

"WTF?" said Suzaku.

Meanwhile, Gino, who was sitting on the couch with his laptop computer, was making quacking noises and clicking random buttons.

Another character logged on, and there was a shallow breathing sound coming from the headsets.

"Nina, get lost," Lelouch facepalmed.

"OMG she's a Human? Nobody ever plays as Humans…" V.V. stated after recovering from the honorable killing blow Suzaku had performed with the [Fractured Carapace].

"HI THERE." Shirley said through the microphone, and then everybody turned off their computers… except for C.C.

"So… you got a brother?" She purred at a nearby guild vault.

Anya, meanwhile, was sitting on a random roof and editing her blog while sipping a Cola. "…You fucking noobs…"

* * *

**A/N  
You can thank Roxius for the format. He used it in his crack-collection "You Got Lulurolled"  
There will be more chapters whenever I feel like randomly writing six more plot-crap stories.  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in this fanfiction except for the video camera that Lelouch pulled out of his ass in part 4.  
I know it's kinda stupid to ask for this particular fic, but please rate and review! .**


End file.
